Monday, July 31, 2006

bwop: baseball without pity

Six thoughts (mostly) about tonight's game, only one of which really matters:

1. PM and I were discussing how little we actually know about David Wells (turns out if we want to know more, we could always buy his autobiography -- I told her we should order it so we can sit it next to the self-help masterpiece Living the Life You Imagine by Derek Jeter on the bookcase), and rather than actually learn any factual information about him, we just assigned him a role in our Red Sox trailer trash universe. Uncle Boomer, the PM says, is the uncle who was telling baby Simba and baby Crab pussy jokes before they could even imagine wanting to see a naked woman, and who would have them over to his house to watch his bulldogs breed in the back yard. And it's all very jovial, but also creepy. And he's been on SSDI for his bum knee since 1988.

2. His longball power notwithstanding, Willy Mo looks like Papi's bastard child. I hope they stand side-by-side in the locker room manicuring their chin stripes, and then they spontaneously break out into that jubilation hand-slapping/interpretive dance routine they did after Willy Mo's homerun.

3. Did anyone else catch the conference between Dougie and Boomer during the Sizemore at-bat in the fifth? Did Boomer actually push Dougie away from him via a glove to the face?

4. The thing about NESN is that sometimes the commercials (the ones that don't feature Taylor Hicks or some crazy guy nonsensically screaming "we will protect this hoooooouse!" while wearing pec-form-fitting white work-out gear) actually improve my mood during rough spots. When Tito pulled Wells in the fifth, there was the double whammy of the Papi + Mayor Mumbles "Keep the Peace" ad (have two more incomprehensible people ever appeared together in speaking roles? is it possible to understand more than three words between the two of them?) followed by a Papelbon spotlight ad thingie where he knocks fists with the bullpen cop on the way out to the mound. These two so-called commercial advertisements are like a blood transfusion, and I am ready to face the rest of the top of the fifth.

5. The six, seventh and eighth (and top of the ninth) innings = a mixed bag of slow torture. Snyder settles down, strikes out six, has a couple 1-2-3 innings and the offense dries up after scoring six in the first four? It was like the opposite of Sunday's night's abortion, where the offensive signs of life in fourth were powerless against the relief (Taaaaaaaaaaavarez) shitting the bed in the fifth.

6. Youk walks and I say to the PM, "You know who's coming." PM says, "Loretta?" (Who we decided tonight really looks like a young Tim Robbins) and I say, "Well. After that." Right as he walked into the batter's box, Remdawg said there wasn't a person in that stadium who wasn't waiting for Papi to hit a three-run shot to end the game, but seriously, how does he do it? He is so clutch that the sheer combined expectations of everyone in New England can't jinx him, he just does it, and does it, and does it again. I can't even.

(P.S. -- The more I think about it, the more this Monday night game against a team that's about a zillion games out of first place in their own division was a semi-significant win, in terms of keeping your fans from killing themselves and starting a downward spiral of suck mentality. Theo resisted making any big trade moves because he believes that we've got guyus like Wells, Wakefield and even, God help us, Clement coming back. If the Red sox had lost Wells' first game back on the same day as the trade deadline, I'm pretty sure the fans would be screaming for blood right now. But the strong young relief and the offensive production -- because Papi's walk-off is a pretty depressing solo homer without the Greek God of Walks -- continue to pull it out of the bag, so everyone lives to nail-bite another game.)

13 Comments:

At 9:38 AM, Blogger Kristen said...

I always thought Loretta looked like Timothy Hutton.

Anyway, I'm with you on the commercials. My current favorite is likely the "Coco and Papelbon Teach Tolerance" campaign with Coco being adorable and Paps being all white boy in a camo undershirt and throwing peace signs or some damn thing. I mean, it's not quite his stellar work in the Hummer dealership commercial, but what is?

And Taylor Hicks must die.

 
At 10:28 AM, Blogger always thinking about papelbon said...

Txt msg convo w/ the brother, last night:

Him, 10:33 pm: "Pretty sure this guy is a robot. That's just not right."

Me, 10:39 pm: "Maybe they built him out of spare military parts like the 6 million $ man."

Him, 10:43 pm: "I was thinking Ben Grimm."

Me, 10:53 pm: "So not so much a robot, but a radioactively altered human?"

Him, 10:56 pm: "yup...but not like that pansy Spider-Man."

Me, 11:00 pm: "Spiderman is definitely not clutch."


Also, Uncle Boomer also has: an arrest record containing at least 6 drunken disorderlies, a constant parade of stripper/girlfriends with brassy blonde hair and red lipstick, and a lucky beer cozy with the logo for "Chuck's Trucks" on it.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger always thinking about papelbon said...

kristen -- i can see the timothy hutton thing, but seriously, tim robbins. specifically, tim robbins in the shawshank redemption.

also, taylor hicks must be eliminated. the worst is that there's a semi-new variation on the commercial where he doesn't actually show up until the end, and PM was like, "no, look, he's not gonna be in this one!" and i was like, "no. wait. just wait."

katie -- your brother = continues to be the best of us. next time you talk to him, tell him that just like spiderman is definitely not clutch, papi will DEFINITELY never appear on dancing with the stars.

 
At 1:34 AM, Blogger Katiee said...

everytime I see the Taylor Hicks commercial i want to stick forks in my ears but I do love all the NESN commercials not to mention I can basically recite them to the point where people say you watch waayyyy to many commercials and the guy in the under armor commercial is kinda scarey

 
At 9:41 AM, Blogger always thinking about papelbon said...

could the leathah be bettah with lowell and lorettah?

yeaaaaaaaaaah.

 
At 4:59 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

prada outlet, louis vuitton, polo ralph lauren, burberry outlet online, louis vuitton outlet online, red bottom shoes, nike free, nike shoes, nike air max, tiffany jewelry, gucci handbags, michael kors outlet online, air max pas cher, jordan shoes, coach outlet store online, true religion outlet, ray ban outlet, kate spade handbags, michael kors outlet store, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet online, burberry outlet online, coach outlet, kate spade outlet online, coach purses, louboutin shoes, longchamp handbags, michael kors outlet, longchamp outlet, tiffany and co jewelry, longchamp outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, coach outlet, louis vuitton handbags, michael kors outlet online, michael kors outlet online, nike air max, nike air max, louis vuitton outlet, true religion outlet, christian louboutin shoes, polo ralph lauren outlet, tory burch outlet, christian louboutin outlet, true religion, prada handbags

 
At 5:00 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

chaussure louboutin, sac michael kors, ralph lauren, mulberry, michael kors canada, tn pas cher, michael kors uk, lacoste pas cher, nike trainers, hollister, longchamp, sac vanessa bruno, new balance pas cher, vans pas cher, sac louis vuitton, nike free, converse pas cher, louis vuitton, north face pas cher, ray ban uk, nike air force, burberry pas cher, hollister, nike roshe, oakley pas cher, abercrombie and fitch, louis vuitton uk, guess pas cher, nike huarache, hollister, scarpe hogan, timberland, ray ban pas cher, mac cosmetics, louis vuitton pas cher, ralph lauren pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, nike roshe run, north face, roshe run, longchamp pas cher, vans outlet, air max, barbour, lululemon, longchamp, nike air max, hermes pas cher

 
At 5:00 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

north face outlet, nfl jerseys, marc jacobs outlet, abercrombie and fitch, soccer shoes, ghd, ferragamo shoes, canada goose outlet, canada goose outlet, chi flat iron, jimmy choo shoes, insanity workout, ugg, valentino shoes, canada goose pas cher, uggs on sale, north face jackets, herve leger, moncler, reebok shoes, asics shoes, baseball bats, ugg soldes, moncler, rolex watches, canada goose uk, moncler, mcm handbags, uggs outlet, birkin bag, babyliss pro, iphone 6 case, new balance outlet, celine handbags, lululemon outlet, wedding dresses, soccer jerseys, p90x workout, canada goose outlet, ugg boots, giuseppe zanotti, instyler ionic styler, beats headphones, canada goose, moncler outlet, mont blanc pens, bottega veneta, nike air max, ugg outlet, hollister clothing

 
At 3:24 AM, Blogger dong dong said...

201510.13dongdong
toms outlet
hollister uk sale
hermes outlet
Cheap Michael Kors Handbags Outlet
coach outlet
cheap ugg boots
Louis Vuitton Online Shop Stores
abercrombie store
Jordan 8 Phoenix Suns
Coach Diaper Bag Outlet
ugg outlet
Official Coach Online Factory Sale
louis vuitton outlet stores
Authentic Louis Vuitton Handbags Outlet Sale
uggs sale
100% Authentic New Lerbron James Shoes
true religion outlet
michael kors uk
Louis Vuitton Neverfull Tote Bag
coach outlet online
Designer Louis Vuitton Bags Discount
Coach Factory Handbags Outlet Store
Jordan 3 Retro 2015
michael kors outlet
coach factory outlet
michael kors outlet online
timberland outlet
Louis vuitton Official Website Outlet Online
michael kors handbags
ugg boots
Toms Outlet Store Online
Authentic Air Jordan 13 shoes for sale

 
At 2:51 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

burberry handbags, ugg boots, nike outlet, tiffany and co, christian louboutin, oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, replica watches, uggs outlet, uggs on sale, cheap oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet, kate spade outlet, prada handbags, louis vuitton outlet, polo outlet, jordan shoes, tory burch outlet, oakley sunglasses wholesale, gucci handbags, replica watches, louis vuitton outlet, nike air max, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet online, christian louboutin shoes, prada outlet, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet, oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, oakley sunglasses, tiffany jewelry, uggs outlet, ray ban sunglasses, nike free, michael kors outlet online, nike air max, christian louboutin outlet, louis vuitton, longchamp outlet, christian louboutin uk, michael kors outlet online, ray ban sunglasses, polo ralph lauren outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, michael kors outlet online, longchamp outlet

 
At 2:54 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

mulberry uk, nike tn, abercrombie and fitch uk, nike air max, nike free run, lululemon canada, true religion outlet, oakley pas cher, longchamp pas cher, nike free uk, sac hermes, nike blazer pas cher, hollister uk, true religion jeans, new balance, air max, coach outlet store online, north face uk, coach outlet, north face, michael kors pas cher, true religion outlet, nike roshe run uk, nike air max uk, polo lacoste, michael kors, hollister pas cher, vans pas cher, nike air max uk, polo ralph lauren, jordan pas cher, timberland pas cher, nike air force, nike roshe, burberry pas cher, converse pas cher, michael kors outlet, sac vanessa bruno, ray ban pas cher, ralph lauren uk, kate spade, replica handbags, ray ban uk, michael kors, louboutin pas cher, true religion outlet, coach purses, guess pas cher, hogan outlet, sac longchamp pas cher

 
At 2:56 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

mont blanc pens, reebok outlet, mcm handbags, bottega veneta, abercrombie and fitch, hollister, nike roshe run, nike trainers uk, longchamp uk, celine handbags, insanity workout, iphone 6s plus cases, instyler, iphone cases, s6 case, mac cosmetics, herve leger, soccer jerseys, wedding dresses, north face outlet, new balance shoes, ferragamo shoes, iphone 5s cases, lululemon, ralph lauren, timberland boots, nike huaraches, soccer shoes, chi flat iron, asics running shoes, iphone 6s cases, jimmy choo outlet, valentino shoes, hollister clothing, iphone 6 cases, ipad cases, babyliss, vans outlet, nfl jerseys, north face outlet, giuseppe zanotti outlet, beats by dre, p90x workout, louboutin, oakley, ghd hair, baseball bats, hermes belt, iphone 6 plus cases, nike air max

 
At 2:58 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

hollister, coach outlet, barbour, canada goose outlet, ugg uk, wedding dresses, canada goose outlet, canada goose uk, toms shoes, doudoune moncler, moncler outlet, louis vuitton, moncler outlet, links of london, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, montre pas cher, louis vuitton, nike air max, lancel, converse, swarovski crystal, moncler, juicy couture outlet, juicy couture outlet, moncler uk, canada goose jackets, ugg pas cher, moncler, pandora jewelry, swarovski, gucci, ugg, vans, hollister, louis vuitton, louis vuitton, karen millen uk, canada goose outlet, marc jacobs, canada goose, supra shoes, louis vuitton, thomas sabo, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, pandora uk, barbour uk, pandora jewelry, moncler, converse outlet, ray ban, moncler, canada goose

 

Post a Comment

<< Home