Tuesday, May 13, 2008

strange things are afoot at the circle k

Tonight, I did what I oh-so-frequently do on Tuesday nights, which is drink whiskey and watch the Red Sox try and set the world record for runners stranded in scoring position. The game -- let's not talk about it. If Coco Crisp decided that he couldn't take it anymore and got sick to his stomach, can the viewer be blamed for doing the same? So the Red Sox lost, and that was garbage, but then a weird thing happened. I was taking schadenfreude in Marino Rivera giving up a walk-off win in Tampa Bay, but then the Rays knocked the Red Sox out of first place in the AL East. I know it's only May 13, but seriously. Up is down? War is peace? Freedom is slavery? What the hell is going on?

In other news, the release of Julian Tavarez (RIP Batshit) contributes to my suspicion that David Aardsma is going to be around for the duration. I know three things about David Aardsma: 1) He walks more batters than I would prefer. 2) Alphabetically, he is the first player listed in the Baseball Encyclopedia. 3) He rocks the stirrups. I haven't gone out of my way to learn anything else about him because he had the look of a Joel Pineiro 2.0 about him; he would stink up the joint for the Sox until he was finally DFA'd and then he would go be an All Star for the St. Louis Cardinals. But now it appears that Aardsma (or as Remy would say, Aardsmer), is going to stick around, here are three more things I have learned:

1) His sister is a former Miss Colorado Teen USA
2) He is developing a reputation among his teammates as a ruthless Go Fish champion.
3) When he pitched for the Cubs, their fans decided that to "aardsma" someone was to dry shave their testicles.

Yeah, I made one of those things up. Obviously we'll only really know if Aardsma is being accepted in the clubhouse if Papelbon decides to teach him craps.


At 9:23 AM, Blogger Colin said...

It could always be worse. At least Tampa Bay is on top .5 games and not the Yankees by a large margin.

I salute the Rays for their accomplishment and hope they sweep the Yankees. Of course when they play Boston I expect them to lay down their arms quickly.

At 9:21 PM, Anonymous michelle said...

This is the funniest blog. I missed you guys in the off-season. Go Red Sox!

At 3:46 PM, Anonymous Jane19 said...

With Tavarez's release (trust me, I'm not setting up the world's most disgusting pun) form the Sox, will he now have time for his... cinematic debut?

"(RIP Bathsit)"

At 12:30 AM, Blogger Mo Morrissey said...

Great stuff...I have to say I'm glad my name isn't in the urban dictionary. YIKES!

At 3:31 AM, Anonymous Jared said...

I hope to never be forcibly aardsmaed.


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