Wednesday, February 21, 2007

a nice, healthy, post-break-up fist-pump

Still waiting anxiously to find out if Papelbon's duck recipe was edible.

Down the way from the fantasy trailer park where
wifebeater-wearing Jason Varitek and Mike Timlin are raising up little Jon and Jonathan, in a -- how shall I put this -- slightly more gentrified part of town, is the condo where Derek and Alex live. Because sleeping over at someone's house five nights a week is what you do after you've claimed a drawer for your change of socks and underwear and right before your boyfriend breaks down and says you should probably just move in together.

(I imagine their courtship involved a lot of promising to give each other's Hall of Fame induction speeches, and then one night, Jetes said, in the sort of hushed whisper a child uses when he tells the nanny "I wish you were my real mom," Jetes said, "I wish there was some way you could play for the Yankees.")

But domestic bliss wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and everyone knows it never works when your long-distance girlfriend moves across country to be with you, and now Alex is staying in a seedy motel somewhere, and now he "doesn't sleep over," which means he probably shows up at the front door of the condo once every couple months, drunk on wine coolers, and they have bitter ex-sex and A-Rod goes home unfulfilled.

As the PM said to me last night: "STOP IT YOU ARE MAKING ME SAD THAT MY SWORN ENEMY AND HIS EVIL BUTTBOY AREN'T FRIENDS." Meanwhile, while one couple's love dies, another pair of star-crossed lovers
find each other for the first time.

(Looking at that picture reminds me of my roommate when I lived in Vermont, who was named Sarah and had a girlfriend named Sarah, and each of them had an ex-girlfriend named ... Sarah.)


At 3:33 PM, Blogger cornado said...

and everyone knows it never works when your long-distance girlfriend moves across country to be with you

I am 50% horrified that I'm retroactively learning life lessons from The Yankees, and 50% horrified that I'm the Jeter in this scenario. But then, it does make my ex the A-Rod, and that's...appropriate.

At 9:42 AM, Blogger Kristen said...

Two things:

1) YES. To all of it. Just...yes.

2) "wifebeater-wearing Jason Varitek" I know it's imaginary but pictures pls, kthnx.

At 12:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is anyone actually cooking Jonathan Papelbon Duck? Because I will totally do it.


At 3:20 PM, Blogger always thinking about papelbon said...

cornado -- unfortunately, i think we've ALL been there. sometimes you're the jeter, and sometimes ... you're even the a-rod.

kristen -- the thing about wifebeater-wearing jason varitek is that it's the only thing that can make suit-and-mock-turtleneck wearing tek a disappointment. how is that possible?

julia -- apparently the cavernous maw is trying to cook the recipe posted about here? i'm vaguely terrified, i'm not gonna lie.

At 3:23 PM, Anonymous TJ said...

I couldnt find your contact email so I thought I would leave it here... I just started a new Red Sox Blog called Red Sox 24/7 and it is located at I already own and that has been going strong for over a year now. I really like your site and was hoping we could exchange links and become affiliates... as soon as I get the O.K. I will add your link to our list, but can you please email me at so I know you got the message? Thanks!

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