also known as every girlfriend josh beckett has ever hadIt's been at least a couple weeks since our beautiful best beloved blogsake did something batshit balls-out crazy. But the wait is over! Nick Cafardo wants you to know that Jonathan Papelbon wants you to know that he's got a new pitch. It's called the slutter:
He threw Jonny Gomes a "slutter." That's what Jonathan Papelbon calls his new pitch -- a combination cut fastball and slider.This news narrowly edges out my co-workers and I leaving a get well card for Mike Mussina on our resident Yankee fan co-worker's desk as the best thing that's happened to me this morning. Because: THE SLUTTER.
(It reminds me of 2004, when our household decided that Alan Embree looked like the kind of guy who killed hookers at truck stops for fun, and how this was probably common knowledge around clubhouse, but that young wide-eyed Bronson Cornroyo would say, whenever he heard Embree and Timlin chuckling over Embree's exploints, "What's a hooker? Is that a kind of pitch?" Obviously, in this situation, it would be Jon Lester, peering out from under the souvenir sundae cup helmet he wears as a ball cap, saying, "What's a slutter? Is that a pitch?"
Okay, wait a second … long, tangential story reaching logical conclusion … mental image of Jon Lester with white boy cornrows … central nervous system shutting down …)
In other news, with last night's overpowering four-out effort, Papelbon became the first pitcher in Red Sox history to notch two 30 save seasons. I guess anything's possible when you just concentrate on mowing your own lawn.