Sunday, June 22, 2008

and on eck's mustache day, we rest

Okay, I'm hungover as shit (Katie's birthday party last night, I made her a card with a picture of Josh Beckett that said, "Hope you execute a happy birthday") and the Sox are trying to avoid getting swept by the freakin' CARDINALS, it's time for a live blog!

(I'd like to dedicate this live blog to Uncle Bill, who says we don't post enough any more. If the Sox lose during said live blog, I will take this as a sign that we should post even less.)

I am saying right now before God Eck's mustache and everyone, I am thinking about Jon Lester, the former Mr. Inconsistent McInconsistency, and what I am thinking is, "Oh great, it's our stopper!" This should be interesting. I reserve the right to come back and delete this if he makes me look like a complete idiot.

rain delay
Jesus Christ. Do they not understand that I planned my entire hangover recovery schedule around this game starting at 1:35?

top of the first
Well, so far so good.

bottom of the first
Joel Piñeiro. Hilarious. Can we set up an exchange student program where we send our mediocre relief pitchers to the National League and we get them back six months later as serviceable back-of-the-rotation starters?

top of the second
Lester getting some very nice looking swings and misses.

bottom of the second
This ump's strike call is ridiculous. Is he calling a baseball game or gunslinging? Also, that graphic that showed Jason Varitek's batting average since May 24 made my eyes bleed. And just like that, he hits into a double play. Great!

top of the third
What the hell is that necklace that Brendan Ryan is wearing? It looks like it belongs on a lady who lunches ... in New Jersey. Meanwhile, Lester pitches around Ryan's fluky automatic double.

bottom of the third
Is this Joel Piñeiro evil twin Kal-El?

top of the fourth
Remy talks about how home/road split statistics make no sense, and there is no explanation for why certain players hit better on the road. Um, park factors? I guess they park factors didn't come up in conversation during the last episode of Sox Appeal.

In non-vitrol related news: That water slide catch that Jacoby Ellsbury made to end the inning is certainly a vote for the theory that the run prevention of the Ellsbury/Crisp/Drew outfield balances out a significant amount of David Ortiz's run production.

bottom of the fourth
Don-O talking about Joel Piñeiro's last complete game shut-out. Kelly wondering whether or not it would be problematic to resort to hair of the dog.

top of the fifth
Coco apparently has something to say about the power of run prevention. Two outs in the inning and I am now officially hoping that the game goes official before the rain starts so that we don't waste this great Lester performance. Lester then strikes out Larue and, oh yes, as I was so presciently saying a couple hours ago, Jon Lester is a motherfucking stopper.

bottom of the fifth
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. The worst inning yet. On the other hand, I just heard some pretty righteous thunder, so we may not have to watch this pathetic offensive performance for much longer.

Although, that reminds me, on Friday I was at home in Somerville watching the game and it was clearly raining pretty heavily during the duck boat portion of the pre-game and it was not raining in the slightest outside my window. I know Somerville is across the river and all, but I didn't realize it was in a different ecosystem.

top of the sixth
Shit. It all falls apart quickly, starting with back-to-back doubles to lead off the inning, and St. Louis scores twice. A two runs over six innings performance is perfectly good performance, but Lester is probably going to get the our-offense-sucks-goat-balls loss.

bottom of the sixth
Runner on second with two outs, JD Drew at bat. I think, "he could tie the game by going yard," and it doesn't seem completely preposterous. And then JD reminds me that there is still a Nancy lurking inside of him by hitting one right at Joel. Great. This is the worst live blog ever.

top of the seventh
Lester able to bounce back in the seventh. Only makes lack of run support more painful.

bottom of the seventh

top of the eighth
Lester back out for the eighth. Interesting. He gets one hit and one loud out and that's the end of his day. Nice standing ovation. Maybe the crowd could start hitting in the nine hole. This is followed by a really nice performance by Run MDC.

bottom of the eighth
HAH. Ankiel just fell flat on his ass trying to make a catch in center and Coco leads off the inning with a triple. If the Sox squander runner on third and no outs, I will proceed to light myself on fire. Lugo somehow manages to not ground into a double play (you know he wanted to) and the game is tied.

Pedroia gets a two-out hit! Pedroia steals second! JD takes a walk! Manny takes a four-pitch walk! Mike Lowell takes ANOTHER four-pitch walk and the Sox take the lead! I'm not even going to bitch about how they left the bases loaded. This is the best live blog ever!

top of the ninth
Ankiel strikes out so hard on that Papelbon fastball that I thought he was going to fall on his ass again. Molina proceeds to strike out looking. Four pitch walk? DO. NOT. WANT.

And then some other stuff happens that displeases me so much I cannot even talk about it.

bottom of the ninth
More stuff I cannot even talk about.

top of the tenth
Okie sucks briefly, sacks up.

bottom of the tenth
Ellsbury leads off with a double, Pedroia executes a great bunt and gets Ellsbury to third. JD strikes out, eliminating the possibility of a sac fly, and I want to light him on fire. Sean Casey pinch-hits, flies out. Garbage.

top of the eleventh
I love Craig Hansen

bottom of the eleventh
Bases loaded, one out and you can't score? I fucking can't even.

top of the twelfth
Kelly + Craig Hansen 4eva

bottom of the twelfth
Lead off double from Pedroia. Whatever. I refuse to get excited. They will find a way to screw this up, I just know they will. Yep, there we go. Inning ending double play.

top of the thirteenth
Oh great, Javier Lopez. Lopez sucks, predictably, but Drew throws a bullet from right field and Varitek makes a great tag at the plate, and the beat goes on. I've been half-dressed and wanting to go to the grocery store for, like, two hours.

bottom of the thirteenth
YOOOOOOUUUUUK! Youkilis realizes that this scoring on base hits shit is not going to work and hits a two-run homer to win the game. Yes! If I had sat through this entire debacle to watch them lose, I would have stabbed myself in the face! So my face and the Sox tired bullpen both live to fight another day. And I'm not even upset that Lopez vultured another win.


At 9:40 PM, Blogger Michael said...

love the liveblog! Yours are excellent, much better than mine.

At 10:25 PM, Blogger always thinking about papelbon said...

Thanks, Michael. Although I do seem to have live blog bad luck. I have attempted to live blog some uuuuugly games this season.

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