Wednesday, August 09, 2006

do his teeth and hair smell like grapefruit, too?

Papelbon blew a save the other night. It was his 4th. Read about it here and here. He says some endearing things, as per, but I can't bring myself to care because in case you missed it, we lost to the ROYALS last night.


No, really.

kelly and I went to the movies, we decided this was the best course of action because if we lost to the ROYALS we would have to throw ourselves in front of a bus and goddamn it, we were going to help Kevin Smith pay his mortgage before we died.

You know, the worst part of all this is that we ANTICIPATED that we might lose to the Royals. I hate my life.

Anyway, I didn't actually watch, I just had kelly and my brother keep me constantly updated via the magic of the cell phone in between discussing other things like Scissor Sisters tickets and my brother's ambitions to be an internet t-shirt magnate. It was almost more painful this way because normal convo was always being interrupted like "I think the seats are pretty good, but-- oooh, we're not losing anymore" and "you're just a douche if you're wearing a 'vote for pedro' t-shirt-- Papi hit a homer-- these days" or "tell him to make a t-shirt that says RUDY NEVER PITCHES and give it to Tito." And so on.

In the end, I went to bed before the game was over and this morning in the shower I wondered what the outcome had been and then suddenly had a sharp, vivid memory of being half asleep as kelly asked me if I wanted to execute our suicide pact at Park Street. I still haven't bothered to look at an official score, but I've confirmed with her that that was a memory and not a nightmare.


Since I can't talk about the game because I am not a sane person, let share with you an email the PM sent to me back when Lowell was telling the Herald that he hopes Castro dies (him and many, many US Presidents, man).

"...Lowell said, '(Raul Castro) is the head of the military and no cookie of a guy, but there’s always hope.'"

You heard it here first: Raul Castro? No cookie of a guy. Half-Caf*? A DELICIOUS BAKED ITEM OF A MAN. Now with tasty political opinions. Oh, the vapors.

DELICIOUS BAKED ITEM = what I will be calling Lowell (formerly called "half-caf" because the PM thinks he looks like a half-caffeinated version of Jeffrey Dean Morgan and thus loves him) going forward. Well, assuming he stops bouncing foul balls off vital parts of his anatomy and thus makes himself worth mentioning again.


Yeah. That's quite literally all I got right now. Well, that and the always charming fact that Derek Jeter smells like grapefruit. Which, btw, is and always has been a scent that makes neauseated. So clearly, Jeter and I were never meant to be.


At 11:54 AM, Blogger always thinking about papelbon said...

my love, you should probably explain to the nice people that we call Mike Lowell "half-caf" because PM thinks he looks like a half-caf version of Jeffery Dean Morgan, otherwise it ends up sounding like ... something else.

At 12:18 PM, Blogger Kristen said...

Personally, I call Lowell "Two-Bagger" because of his penchant for hitting doubles...but I realize that could quite possibly sound like something else as well.

Also, I will pay real, American dollars for a RUDY NEVER PITCHES t-shirt.

At 12:35 PM, Blogger always thinking about papelbon said...

Okay, okay, I explained. It no longer sounds like something else. Though, I feel like we're reliving a scene from the movie last night. Maybe I'll make a "half-caf 4 life" sign.

Also, you calling me "my love" all over the internets might look like something else, but I don't call you on it, do I?

And see! I told my brother those things would sell like hotcakes. I definitely want one.

At 1:25 PM, Blogger always thinking about papelbon said...

"two-bagger" makes me think of a joke about how, as a testicular cancer survivor, he only has one ball, but i caaaaaan't quite get the bat off my shoulder.

also, katie, i told the ENTIRE INTERNET that you were straight in my post about hazel mae. i think we're safe.

At 1:51 PM, Blogger Kristen said...

Yeah, which is why I'm leery to call him that on the internets.'s just funnier than "Doubles."

I'm twelve.


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