Monday, March 12, 2007

the first kick i took was when i hit the ground

1. I missed Papelbon's first spring training appearance because I was intoxicated (yeah, I know it was at, like, one o'clock in the afternoon, and no, I don't want to rescind that statement). I watched the replay of his second game last Wednesday night and said to the PM, as soon as she got home, that I really forgot how much watching Pap strike a bitch out does for my health and well-being. And now, Tina Cervasio's cavernous maw just told me that he struck out four but gave up two home runs during his simulated game today, but we shouldn't be concerned, because it's hard to get your adrenaline up during a simulated game, and Papelbon is a player who thrives on adrenaline. Asking him to pitch well in a simulated game is like asking a tiger to stalk its prey in a zoo. (I made that last sentence up ... maybe. He did apparently shoot 4,402 ducks in the off-season.) Anyway, allegedly on Saturday he will have his first actual start in his history of being a starter again for the very first time. Awesome.

2. I keep going into the bargain basement of the City Sports in Downtown Crossing to look for bandanas (I like to resemble Bruce Springsteen circa 1984 as much as possible while working out), and there continues to be a table of marked down Alex Gonzalez jersey shirts. It's depressing.

3. I just cannot fathom what is going on here. Although Bill Belichick does strike me as the kind of guy who would really appreciate the knuckleball. He's probably trying to get Wake to show him if it could be adapted to throw a football or something. Also, is it just me or is seeing Bill Belichick in shorts kind of like seeing someone's grandfather naked?

Okay, let's go back to this duck hunting thing for a second. The PM points out, 4,402 ducks, 145 days in the off-season, so that's what, 30 ducks a DAY? Does he think he's going to need to feed himself for the long New England summer? Does he tear off their heads with his teeth before starts? If he does, I'm totally fine with that, I'm just curious.

5. Seriously, I'm watching this Sox/Yankees game (Paddy McMurphy, my other roommate: "Who's winning?" Me: "The Yankees." Him: "That's too bad." Me: "I refuse to get worked up over spring training games. That way lies madness." Him: "Okay." Me: "So I'm saving it for next year") and I swear to God, you guys, Manny is wearing a red shower cap.

And Papelbon apparently agreed to a one-year deal today. Terms are currently undisclosed, but I imagine it involved a sizable amount of Monopoly money, an emulator for Nintendo's Duck Hunt game and a shiny new light saber.


At 11:48 PM, Blogger Mike said...

Starter Boy builds his own lightsabers.

Also he's planning to bite the head off a duck before every BATTER.The ducks will be hidden in Manny's locks.

At 8:52 AM, Blogger always thinking about papelbon said...

Mike, I like your thinking. God knows there's enough ROOM in Manny's red shower cap for 4,402 duck carcasses.

At 7:07 PM, Blogger Katiee said...

oh he is most definitely going to bite off duck heads before each batter. He's going for the intimidation thing

At 9:08 AM, Blogger Kristen said...

The thing is, Springsteen was and continues to be hot. So that sartorial statement is applauded.

As for Papelbon...I just, I'm not even kidding. I think he might be crazier than Manny. Their combined powers frighten me.

Oh, and there is little to no chance that Schilling didn't monopolize Belichick's time and forced him to watch a Power Point presentation detailing why he should consider being Schilling's running-mate in the next election. Come on, you know it happened.

At 2:47 PM, Blogger kelly said...

Kristen -- Remember that awful-looking movie where Robin Williams gets elected president, and how the trailer had the moment where he said "I was thinking Bruce Springsteen for Secretary of State?" I never understood why that was supposed to be FUNNY. It's just brilliant. If Bruce was in the cabinet of the Belichick/Schilling ticket, I might almost consider it. Maybe.

At 8:08 PM, Blogger jared said...

I've played the Big Buck Hunter bonus round roughly 200 times over the past few years and I have definitely not killed 4,402 ducks.

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