starter boy's gonna kick your ass"If I go out there and my guy Mikey Lowell or somebody like that gets hit, well, you're damn right I'm going to come get one of their guys," (from here).
That's right, Pap, no one
And you know who else probably says that? Your good friend and deer-killing afficianado Mike Timlin. You know, the one who's taken to calling you "Starter Boy". Which is seriously adorable and I know that calling baseball players and their mocking-each-other rituals "adorable," makes me a girl, but what can I do?
Besides, I feel like somebody needs to sound a bit like a girl, since Jackie MacMullen and her constant use of weirdly agressive sports-insider phrasing ("shut it down," "filthy fastball," calling Pap a "stud," etc.) makes her sound like she should be coughing up blood and tobacco juice with Tito*.
Anyway, the column is also enjoyable for its insight into how Pap feels about doctors:
"You know how it is. When you get doctors involved, they've got to talk about every last fiber in your body."
"Of course there's doubt," Papelbon answered. "Doubt is part of the human element, but I'm better than that."
Advice from his coach and GM:
"They were a little worried, but they shouldn't be. I'm fine."
And beating up those bratty twins:
"My father got so sick of it he bought me boxing gloves for Christmas," Papelbon said.
Which is all to say that guys who even THINK about hitting Mikey should probably remember that baseballs are way harder than boxing gloves.
*Please note, I am a HUGE fan of Jackie and think she's a great writer. I almost always agree with her, and I TOTALLY respect her as a woman in the male-dominated sports world. I'm just saying sometimes after I read her columns, I feel an overwhelming need to go paint my nails pink while imagining my perfect date with Tom Brady (a movie first-- a comdey, maybe something from the Will Ferrell oeuvre, then dinner somewhere quiet and French, and a nice long walk down the pretty parts of Comm Ave, ending with an incredibly wholesome and guaranteed-not-to-get-me-knocked-up kiss on the cheek. Oh, TOM).