Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Very Secret Off-Season Diaries of Theo Epstein

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

7:12a: Woke up, consulted Magic Eight Ball, asked, "Should I make an offer that will actually get the Santana deal done today?" and for the sixty-second day in a row, Magic Eight Ball said, "Ask again later." Will try again tomorrow.

9:02a: Just deleted 6 e-mails from Schill, with subject lines reading "Thought You Might Appreciate Some Advice on How to Sign a Free Agent Pitcher, Part I - Part VI." Arranged to have his e-mail address bombarded with diet pill spam.

10:17a: Guitar Hero break.

12:24p: Phone rang during lunch, saw it was Manny, palms immediately started sweating. Still worried that, eventually, the number that hypnotist did on him is going to wear off and he'll realize we never sent him to the Mets, he still plays for the Red Sox and then he'll start demanding a trade every other Wednesday. Fortunately, Manny just wanted to say he LOVES Santana. But then he started singing that Matchbox 20 song. Maybe he was confused. Good old Manny.

12:47p: Take Giants and points in the Super Bowl. Rule #1: Root for the home team, but don't be a freakin' idiot.

2:56p: Text message from Beckett, read, "Just execute trade agreements. Just throw fucking strikes." Wondered for 1,909th time if Beckett would have beaten me up and taken my lunch money if we'd gone to junior high together.

3:01p: Bill Smith called, claimed is asking for "final offer" (heard that one before). Asked Magic Eight Ball if should make deal, Magic Eight Ball said, "Signs point to no." Shrugged, told Bill to enjoy Philip Humber's reconstructed elbow.

4:00p: Guitar Hero break. Continued attempts to master Metallica's "One" unsuccessful, may need to bring in conditioning coach.

6:00p: Received FedEx package, appeared to a Denny's paper placemat with "BURIED TREASURE MAP" written on the back in purple crayon and a rendering of a baseball with a bite mark near the spot of the X. Considered telling Pap he really needs to get a hobby or something, just as long as it's not more river dancing.

8:30p: Worked on off-season regimen with newborn son. Plan to have him walking by spring training, may need to have him start the season in the minors.

5 Comments:

At 2:19 AM, Anonymous Twinkie said...

CONGRATULATIONS YOU WIN ONE MILLION INTERNETS!!!

Seriously. Awesome.

 
At 9:31 AM, Blogger kelly said...

Do you think I could trade 1/10th of those internets to the Twins for a valuable piece of their ball club? Because that's the impression I'm getting.

 
At 6:26 PM, Anonymous Liza said...

Very funny :) And yes to the Beckett/Theo question.

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Liza beat me to it. Wholehearted yes to the Beckett / Theo question. In fact I'd venture to guess that 99% of us would have been beaten up for lunch money had we had the misfortune to go to middle school with Josh.

 
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