Tuesday, November 13, 2007

correspondence

Dear Josh Beckett,

Here is my Cy Young award. Perhaps with more run support, I too would have won 20 games. Perhaps if your bullpen had been terrible, you too would have pitched more innings. Who really knows?

But what I know for sure is that, either way, I still would have fallen apart in the post-season, because you are a terrifying force of nature. I suspect that this award will go nicely with the collection of Bud Light cans you like to shoot in your back yard between hunting seasons.

Thank you for not actually removing my manhood,
CC

*

CC,

Don't worry about it—I think we both know that individual achievements mean nothing, right? Winning that award would just mean more press conferences, stupid questions, and retarded metaphors.

Thanks for your little trophy, though—I've sent it to my catcher, Jason Varitek, since he's really the reason I did so well this season. It's shiny, so his kids'll probably like it.

Let me know if you ever want to get drunk, shoot something, and talk about executing pitches.

-Josh

12 Comments:

At 7:23 PM, Anonymous shell said...

Amen!

I hope C.C.'s manhood and award are packed and on their way as we speak.

This has to be the worst regular season screw up since Dirk "I wilt in the post-season to the tune of Hasselhoff's greatest hits" Nowitzki won the MVP last year.

Sickening and yet perfect somehow. I can almost hear Beckett snarl, "Who the &^%$ cares about individual &^%$-ing awards?"

I'm going to miss your Red Sox blogs. Why does the season have to end? Bah! Oh the humanity!

 
At 9:51 PM, Blogger Bloody P said...

Best post ever.

Nice work.

 
At 10:20 PM, Blogger lucky number 33 said...

I thought it was the correct call, actually, to give the award to Sabathia. I don't think Beckett is crying in his bowl of Wheaties from the box with his face on it.

He might greet Sabathia next season with a be-ringed handshake, though.

 
At 10:21 AM, Blogger kelly said...

No, I agree, there is a very strong case that based on regular season performance, CC was the correct call. But Joe Posnanski wrote a really interesting post (and you can't html code links in blogger comments, so, here: http://joeposnanski.com/JoeBlog/2007/10/05/an-uneasy-cy/) that gave the nod to Beckett based on toughness of opponents and park factors that pointed out some things I hadn't thought about. Mostly, though, CC getting the award based on their post season performances is just really ... funny.

 
At 12:16 AM, Blogger Melissa said...

Add a few f-bombs into Beckett's reply and I bet that's *exactly* what he said.

 
At 10:14 AM, Blogger D said...

This post is SO f'ing hilarious!!!!! A pure unadulterated look into the minds of major league pitching. Simple results and doesn't take much to amuse them. Couple of beers, couple of trophies, and a pissing contest. Awesome!

 
At 11:46 PM, Blogger MarchingTwinkie3 said...

As awesome as this post already is I would love to see Varitek's reaction when he opens a package from Beckett to find Sabathia's Cy Young Award. And the accompanying note from Beckett.

Or even better, no note and Tek trying figure out how Beckett got a hold of it.

 
At 11:53 AM, Anonymous katie said...

melissa, you're totally right-- I realized immediately after I posted that there wasn't a single "fuck" in there. clearly, I had a momentary lapse. But I'm sure you all knew where to insert them.

 
At 5:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm.. I've thought about this very much..... and I agree with you to some degree.
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