when i wished someone at work "happy pitchers and catchers day" they thought i was being untowardEven though we've already enjoyed several days of Craig Hansen's medical history, Dice-K's mullet and Josh Beckett seeming disinterest in speaking with the press and tendency to take awkward photographs, technically today is the day that Red Sox pitchers and catchers must report to Ft. Myers. To celebrate, have eight predictions for the 2008 baseball season:
1. Curt Schilling reveals on his blog that the shoulder surgery drama was an effort to void his Sox contract in order to accept his rightful place as John McCain's running mate.
2. Inspired by the success of Dice-K's translator, Bud Selig forces the Sox to hire a translator for Josh Beckett in order to render his expletive-laden press conferences into printable material.
3. Roger Clemens begins lobbying for gay marriage so he can marry Andy Pettite and prevent him from testifying against Clemens in any future trials.
4. America, meet the first Native American Mormon star of The Bachelor: Jacoby Ellsbury!!
5. Jonathan Papelbon spends 15 days on the DL with ballet class related injury. He claims he was just trying to give the people what they want.
6. Jed Lowrie is caught storing miscellaneous personal items in Julio Lugo's locker.
7. Jack Epstein bats .287/.400/.405 in Single A Greenville.
8. Over the course of the season Julian Tavarez holds positions as starting pitcher, relief pitcher, official spokesman for Manny, Fenway Frank vendor, temporary replacement for Tina Cervasio, and John Farrell's personal barber. He tells the media, he just wants to help out.
Welcome back, everyone!