Thursday, August 24, 2006

papelbon, you are a bad-ass bitch and i always pay for your dry cleaning

As much as games when Papelbon gets called on for a save opportunity that spans two innings are nerve-racking, whiskey-making affairs, I always really enjoy the part where he stalks off the field at the end of the eighth. It reminds me of the Natalie Portman rap skit on Saturday Night Live -- I keeping expecting Papelbon to look into the camera on his way to the dugout and say, "No more questions."

But, as per usual, there is no rest for the weary. We finally snap the losing streak, Pap looked like the bad-ass rally killer of the early summer, but, hey! Let's all go read this article and whether or not he'll be on the MLB exhibition tour of Japan and whether or not he's unhappy with his league-minimum salary.

As much as the knee-jerk reaction to any professional athlete hinting that they feel they're not making enough money is an eye-roll, I can't really blame him, keeping in mind, as we have previously discussed, that Seanez and Tavarez, the bus-driving game-blowing wretch twins, are taking home 1.9 and 3.3 million this year respectively. Even though he hit the wall like a crash test dummy earlier this month, Papelbon is such a mind-blowing bargain for the Sox this year that he could probably decide to hold the bullpen hostage, demand a couple million in unmarked bills, two hookers and an eight ball and I'd be like, "Yeah, that's his due." At any rate, I'm glad that everyone seems to be in agreement that it's pointless to talk salary until they've decided whether or not he's going to be starting, which is ... another thing entirely.

On the one hand, a starting rotation of Curt Schilling's Hair, Beckett, Wake, Papelbon and Baby Crab Lester seems like a dream. This, of course, is assuming that Crab continues to outgrow the bucket, Curt Schilling's Hair stays healthy, Wake avoids further sex/air guitar related injuries and, most importantly, Curt Schilling's Hair straps Josh Beckett to a chair at some point this winter, props his eyes open with toothpicks and makes him watch films into he agrees to learn to throw a splitter already. (If that doesn't happen, all bets are off and every Beckett start is a three-date Dave Matthews Band concert, and we all wake up high on acid, watching the long balls flit across the sky like comets.) But really, if any of that stuff happens, having Pap in the rotation becomes even more necessary. Fuck, man, every time he's had five or six days rest in a row and we're looking at the TBA spot in the rotation, Katie and I convince ourselves that maybe he should be converted to a starter this season. But, you know, Craig Hansen, etcetera.

Speaking of no rest for the weary, I have stayed up until after two in the morning watching baseball three out of the last four days. Therefore, I am just too tired to think about Manny taking an extended trip to the DL.

posted by always thinking about papelbon @ 2:37 PM