papelbon was born a snakehandler and he'll die a snakehandler.So Dougie, having woken up from his chicken parm-induced nap, has been hitting homeruns and is now offering some deeply insightful discussion on the baby bullpen:
"Maybe you haven't noticed, but he [Hansen] has great stuff," said catcher Doug Mirabelli, who watched from the dugout. "You know about this kid [Jonathan] Papelbon? And if you're watching Friday night, you'll see this lefthander by the name of [Jon] Lester who has excellent stuff, too."
Please, Dougie, do tell me about this kid Papelbon. Tell me everything. Tell me about how last night's save (number 32) puts him tied for third for most saves in a single season by a rookie.
(The number one spot is held by Kazuhiro Sasaki, who made 37 saves during his rookie year in 2000. So. Um. I don't want to jinx anything, but do with both that information and the number of games left in this season what you will.)
But to change fun-to-track-but-frequently-meaningless pitching stats for a minute here, I can't help but notice that we're seventeen days into the month of August and the Red Sox have won a whopping six games. Let's attribute out those wins, shall we:
If that doesn't sum up the half-botched arson attempt that has been this team's August record, I don't know what does. When four of the last six wins are attributed to the (admittedly extremely bad-ass) closer and David Wells? Something is wrong. Do you see Josh Beckett's name up there anywhere? I wonder what that's about. Has he been out sick or something? Avian suck flu? Just checking.
A conversation I have had a few too many times this week:
Me: Yeah, my friend and I are taking Friday off so we can watch the double header.
Co-worker: You got tickets? That's awesome!
Me: Oh, no, we didn't get tickets, we're just gonna ... watch it at her apartment.
Me: I gotta go.
Screw it, I'm excited. My goals are to drink my own volume in Miller High Life and try not to die. Also, Doug Mirabelli tells me that if I haven't passed out in stupor by Friday night that there will be this lefthander pitching? Excellent stuff, apparently? I'm kind of afraid that Jason Giambi is going to confuse Jon Lester with an item on the buffet table, but let's all continue to hope for the best.