that's right, i forgot you're insane
It's that time again. The writing's on the wall and I am feeling VERY superstitious. For example, before beginning the painful process of sorting through my Papelbon google alerts, I opened one of those snack size bags of M&Ms and I dumped them out on my desk. There was only ONE blue one. I don't eat the blue M&Ms (probably because I'm insane), so this is clearly a good sign and because of this, I knew that the content of these google alerts would be important.Except, you know, mostly they contained words like "blown" and "meltdown." So I get worried-- clearly the M&Ms wouldn't lie, so what am I missing? And then! MSNBC gave me the following:
Jonathan Papelbon, whose 30 saves are one off the major-league lead and with an ERA that hasn’t been above 1.00 all season, blowing two save opportunities to go with a 6.23 ERA this month.
It sounds bad, right? EXCEPT, 6.23 is my birthday. And I love my birthday. A lot. So CLEARLY this is the good sign, this is the message from on high proving to me that Papelbon isn't lying when he says he's gonna get his shit together. Clearly all will be well from here on out. Because I always knew the higher power would speak to me through an old guy named Tony with a terrible mustache.
And, if you try to question my logic, I'm not going to be able to hear you because I will be too busy imagining the segment of Hangin' With Paps and Papi where they cook Big Papi's certified Maine lobsters for the team. First they name them all after Yankees (Jeter's the one with all his own teeth and hair!) and then Papi puts them on the floor for Paps to chase around the kitchen the way my Dad used to do. While Pap's doing that, Papi introduces a pre-recorded segment of their road trip to Maine-- hitting the NH State liquor store, stopping in Portland to pick up an official Papelbon Sea Dogs bobblehead which Papi can compare in size with the lobsters, then doing the same with Papi and the Paul Bunyan statue in Bangor, a visit with Stephen King, etc, etc-- and when they come back they've both decided they don't have the heart to cook the lobsters themselves, so they're just going to go out and buy Paps a new camo shirt while Papi's chef makes dinner.
Seriously, it's a great episode. And until the whole 6.23/no blue M&Ms sign-from-above thing works out for me, I'm gonna stick with that version of reality. Okay? Okay.
posted by always thinking about papelbon @ 1:15 PM
5 Comments:
sweet, you've completely lost it, this is awesome. i'm just really worried at this point that, on saturday, they're going to figure out a way to lose that will be even more appalling than a sweep by the royals and you'll have a psychotic break with reality and turn j+p's wedding reception into a wake or a hostage situation or something. tell them i said congratulations!
omg 6/23 is my friends birthday too and come on seriosuly who wouldn't watch that show only people without brains
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