Tuesday, August 15, 2006

this post sponsored in part by nancies.org

1. Something to make you want to whip up a Clorox and #34 flavored Vitamin Water cocktail for sure.

In 43 innings this season with Jason Varitek as his batterymate, Papelbon has a 0.42 ERA while limiting opponents to a .148 batting average and 1.3 walks per nine innings. In 17 innings throwing to four other catchers this year, Papelbon has a 2.12 ERA, .183 opponents BA and an average of 3.2 walks per nine innings.

From espn.com's
Elias Says. Of course, any Sox fan could tell you about the -- what's the word I'm looking for -- intangibles of losing Varitek, but seeing it spelled out like that is a lot like waking up in Tiny House: not awesome.

2. Excerpt: Jason Varitek's Rehabilitation Diary, Day 8: August 14, 2006

7:00 PM: Grabs Josh Beckett by the collar, says, "We must protect. this. house. Will you protect this house?"

7:20 PM: Hands spare bat to rehab buddy Wakefield, asks Wake to hit him over the head a couple times.

3. The Josh Beckett Random Mediocre Performance Generator

We have decided that if dangling Dave Matthews Band bootlegs like incentives for non-sucktastic pitching performances will not work on Josh Beckett, we might as well start summing up each Josh Beckett pitching performance with a Dave Matthews Band lyric. Yes, that's insane logic, but look around you, people, this is about where we're at. We'll backdate this tradition to his first appearance this month.

Katie: Did you want to go back and do DMB lyrics for all Beckett's starts this year and post to include whatever happens tonight, or just going forward starting with tonight?

Kelly: As much as I would enjoy doing all of his starts, I fear that there is going to be a limited number of applicable lyrics (most of their lyrics are, shock of shocks, nonsense rhymes about getting high), so maybe we should just start fresh tonight?

Katie: Are you implying that nonsense rhymes about getting high wouldn't apply to Beckett? If so, I think I have to respectfully disagree.

And with that, we present Josh Beckett's August appearances, as summed up through Dave Matthews Band lyrics:

8/3015.006.00117303But leave a trail of busted stuff
8/9004.926.062005If I had it all / Oh I'd fuck it up sure
8/14015.026.065046Here there's more than is showing up

Basically, we're all going to learn a lot more about the Dave Matthews Band in the next couple months. So pass the bowl and settle in, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.


At 10:38 AM, Blogger Kristen said...

//If I had it all / Oh I'd fuck it up sure//

I'm sayin'.

I might know a lot about the Dave Matthews Band. I will be helpful. Don't judge me! Everyone at my school was listening to Radiohead and German industrial noise, er, music. I had to be DIFFERENT!

Anyway, I'm pretty sure there's a song called "When the World Ends." We might want to keep this handy for a possible Beckett playoff start.

At 11:15 AM, Blogger always thinking about papelbon said...

don't worry, we're not here to judge. actually, that's a lie. katie is totally here to judge. but i -- for reasons we will not explore at this juncture -- actually saw dave matthews band in concert 14 times between 1998 and 2002. who knew i would be able to put such youthful folly to good use?

At 11:28 AM, Blogger Kristen said...

//actually saw dave matthews band in concert 14 times between 1998 and 2002. who knew i would be able to put such youthful folly to good use?//

Once again, this makes you, well, me. Right down to the number of concerts.


At 11:33 AM, Blogger always thinking about papelbon said...


this was all before i moved to the east coast, therefore they were all shows in washington and california, so ... at least we were probably never at the same show? because otherwise i think there would be a strong chance that we were actually a clone split of the same person.

At 1:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not gonna lie: Your blog is amusing as heck, and works as some sort of therapy when you want to rip Beckett's eyelashes off one by one for said struggles on the mound.


A fellow suffering Sox Fan


At 3:13 PM, Blogger always thinking about papelbon said...

Oh, kristen. I am totally here to judge. As the parts of the email exchange kelly didn't post will indicate, every new DMB factoid she whips out makes me regret knowing her just a little more.

Ah well, we all have our failings.

At 3:24 PM, Blogger always thinking about papelbon said...

dan --

i think you nailed it -- somehow, writing about our own hair-pulling and reading the ramblings of others really is a weird kind of therapy. you hold beckett down, i'll get the tweasers?


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