this post sponsored in part by nancies.org1. Something to make you want to whip up a Clorox and #34 flavored Vitamin Water cocktail for sure.
In 43 innings this season with Jason Varitek as his batterymate, Papelbon has a 0.42 ERA while limiting opponents to a .148 batting average and 1.3 walks per nine innings. In 17 innings throwing to four other catchers this year, Papelbon has a 2.12 ERA, .183 opponents BA and an average of 3.2 walks per nine innings.
From espn.com's Elias Says. Of course, any Sox fan could tell you about the -- what's the word I'm looking for -- intangibles of losing Varitek, but seeing it spelled out like that is a lot like waking up in Tiny House: not awesome.
2. Excerpt: Jason Varitek's Rehabilitation Diary, Day 8: August 14, 2006
7:00 PM: Grabs Josh Beckett by the collar, says, "We must protect. this. house. Will you protect this house?"
7:20 PM: Hands spare bat to rehab buddy Wakefield, asks Wake to hit him over the head a couple times.
3. The Josh Beckett Random Mediocre Performance Generator
We have decided that if dangling Dave Matthews Band bootlegs like incentives for non-sucktastic pitching performances will not work on Josh Beckett, we might as well start summing up each Josh Beckett pitching performance with a Dave Matthews Band lyric. Yes, that's insane logic, but look around you, people, this is about where we're at. We'll backdate this tradition to his first appearance this month.
Katie: Did you want to go back and do DMB lyrics for all Beckett's starts this year and post to include whatever happens tonight, or just going forward starting with tonight?
Kelly: As much as I would enjoy doing all of his starts, I fear that there is going to be a limited number of applicable lyrics (most of their lyrics are, shock of shocks, nonsense rhymes about getting high), so maybe we should just start fresh tonight?
Katie: Are you implying that nonsense rhymes about getting high wouldn't apply to Beckett? If so, I think I have to respectfully disagree.
And with that, we present Josh Beckett's August appearances, as summed up through Dave Matthews Band lyrics:
|8/3||0||1||5.00||6.00||11||7||3||0||3||But leave a trail of busted stuff|
|8/9||0||0||4.92||6.0||6||2||0||0||5||If I had it all / Oh I'd fuck it up sure|
|8/14||0||1||5.02||6.0||6||5||0||4||6||Here there's more than is showing up|
Basically, we're all going to learn a lot more about the Dave Matthews Band in the next couple months. So pass the bowl and settle in, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.