Thursday, March 22, 2007

the crackpots and these pitchers

I was sitting on the 88 bus and talking on the phone with Katie this morning, and:

KATIE: [Starts to tell story about being shenanigated by bar's $10 credit card charge minimum, drinking more beers than originally intended.]
KELLY: Sorry, I got distracted in the middle of your story.
KATIE: Yeah, I could tell.
KELLY: There's a woman reading a copy of the Herald and the back page has a picture of Papelbon and says "PAP TO THE RESCUE."
KELLY: Anyway, sorry, keep going.
KATIE: [Continues story, reminisces about heady days when we resolved to do shot every time the Patriots scored a touchdown during the post-season.]
KELLY: Okay, so it looks like the sub-headline says "Suddenly, Papelbon back in Red Sox' closer picture."
KATIE: [...]
KELLY: I kind of want to steal that woman's paper.
KATIE: I'm sure you do.

Fortunately, they were giving out free copies of the Herald at Government Center, so I neither had to steal nor pay for a copy. And, as many others in the Red Sox blogosphere have already noted,
the article was just another case of "sky is blue, grass is green, Manny is crazy" groundbreaking reporting by the Herald. Fortunately, I keep a crystal ball in my humongous Timbuk2 bag and was able to see into the future, and am able to transcribe for you a brief excerpt from a press conference with Theo Epstein, to be held on July 12, 2007:

THEO: I think this press conference is about we haven't had a press conference in a while.
REPORTER #1: Do you have any comment on the on-going criminal investigation?
THEO: Our lawyers have advised me not to say too much, but it's my impression that after those three straight blown saves against Tampa Bay last week, the fans' attack on Julian Tavarez is being ruled in self-defense.
REPORTER #2: What can you tell us about the recent passing of Mike Timlin?
THEO: I absolutely believe Mike Timlin will be pitching for the big club again by August. We're very encouraged by the rehab start he made for the Single A Styx River Dogs earlier this week.
REPORTER #3: Has there been any discussion of using Matt Clement as a closer, just to try and get your money's worth?
THEO: I'm not aware that of a player by that name on our roster.
REPORTER #1: So what do you plan to do about the closer situation?
THEO: We have a new closer!
REPORTER #2: Is it Papelbon?
THEO: It depends on what your definition of "is" is.
REPORTER #3: So what you're saying is that Papelbon will be returning to the bullpen.
THEO: The name of our new closer is ... Vick Raughn


At 5:00 PM, Blogger Mike said...

If Starter Boy is morphing back into Closer Boy, can we have Mike Timlin reincarnate as a 2B?

At 9:23 AM, Blogger Kristen said...

//THEO: I'm not aware that of a player by that name on our roster.//

This is 100% of fact. I've been saying that very thing for months now.

At 9:35 AM, Blogger kelly said...

mike -- we've actually long-said that we'd love to see timlin reincarnated as a pitching coach, but there really is no limit to his ability to cheat death, so.

kirsten -- as previously discussed: he should be traded for a bag of balls. and then we should throw the balls at him.

At 2:36 PM, Blogger Katiee said...


At 8:06 PM, Blogger jared said...

Sweet...I hear Rick Vaughn had great numbers in the California Penal League.

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