a bunch of vaguely attractive stoners in white shoesThe Josh Beckett Seemingly Less and Less Random More and More Stone-Cold Bad-Ass Dave Matthews Band Lyric Pitching Performance Generator:
|5/2||6||0||2.72||7.00||6||0||3||2||7||Surprise, surprise, you pay for what you get|
Also, forwarded to me from the Globe sports page, the Josh Beckett Post-Game Article Mad Libs:
Josh Beckett is a pitcher now, not just a thrower. Last year, he was [adjective, synonym for irratic]. But the Josh Beckett of 2007 is a [adjective] [noun, pref. synonym for wild animal]. His fastball is still [adjective, synonym for fast], but his curveball is [adjective, synonym for filthy] and [adjective, synonym for nasty]. He's a pitcher now, not just a thrower. He's [adjective, synonym for mature]. Says [teammate], "[Vague supportive statement]." Says manager Terry Francona, "[Vague, mumbled statement]." Says catcher Jason Varitek, "[Vague, menacing statement]." He's a pitcher now, not just a thrower. He's a pitcher now, not just a [noun, synonym for person who throws things hard but with no precision].
(When Katie and I were on the phone today talking about Josh Beckett, she asked me to point out that every single member of the Oakland A's looks vaguely stoned when they come up to bat. This is true. I confirmed, as a golden state ex-pat (Randomly -- go Warriors!) that it's "just a California thing.")
And, uh, that's it! No other baseball was played this week! What's that you say? There was a game on Tuesday? Ugh. Fine. I'm just saying, you know things are dire when I'm finding comfort in the wisdom of Curt Schilling: Needless to say the game was a bummer. I’ll take Paps in that situation 30 more times this year and like our chances. Also, the whole thing was maybe 23% worth it to see Paps try to murder that water bottle in the dugout during the bottom of the ninth.