warning: in the bullpen, jonathan papelbon [*]I'm not talking about last night, because it never happened. You hear me? NEVER HAPPENED. When Tito fills out a lineup card that looks more appropriate for a celebrity wiffleball tournament (and not even a high-profile one, but one that was happening in Worcester or something), I can only assume that there was not actually a baseball game last night. No game? No problem!
There was a game on Sunday, and lo, it was awesome. Assorted notes:
 We decided that Mormon boy Jacoby Ellsbury should use "Goodie Two-Shoes" by Adam Ant for his batting music for the "don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?" part.
 Camden Yard was even more overrun with Sox fans than it appears on television, and was every bit a magical wonderland of a ballpark as advertised. It was sort of like the Disneyland of ballparks: everything was clean and shiny, the beer was dirt-cheap, there were crab cakes the size of my head and the air smelled like cotton candy and angel's wings, but it would be weird to live there every day.
 When Guthrie came out of the game with an injury, the curious choice was made to play "Just Like Heaven" by the Cure over the loudspeakers. This may have led us to make up a mean-spirited song that may have started with, "Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick, how you give up thirty runs a game, how you lose by 15 to the Devil Rays," but I can neither confirm nor deny.
 Josh Beckett is a golden god.
 Early in the game, I said that if JD Drew got a hit, I would yell "Yeaaaah, Nancy!" in a really obnoxious Masshole accent. So that went over well, I think.
 Upon learning the final score of the Patriots game from the closed-circuit television: "That's a little bitch score."
[*] The display actually read, "Warming in the bullpen: Jonathan Papelbon." k8 either misread it or uncovered a greater psychological truth about teams doomed to face Cinco-Ocho in the ninth inning.