Tuesday, September 11, 2007

warning: in the bullpen, jonathan papelbon [*]

I'm not talking about last night, because it never happened. You hear me? NEVER HAPPENED. When Tito fills out a lineup card that looks more appropriate for a celebrity wiffleball tournament (and not even a high-profile one, but one that was happening in Worcester or something), I can only assume that there was not actually a baseball game last night. No game? No problem!

There was a game on Sunday, and lo, it was awesome. Assorted notes:

[1] We decided that Mormon boy Jacoby Ellsbury should use "Goodie Two-Shoes" by Adam Ant for his batting music for the "don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?" part.

[2] Camden Yard was even more overrun with Sox fans than it appears on television, and was every bit a magical wonderland of a ballpark as advertised. It was sort of like the Disneyland of ballparks: everything was clean and shiny, the beer was dirt-cheap, there were crab cakes the size of my head and the air smelled like cotton candy and angel's wings, but it would be weird to live there every day.

[3] When Guthrie came out of the game with an injury, the curious choice was made to play "Just Like Heaven" by the Cure over the loudspeakers. This may have led us to make up a mean-spirited song that may have started with, "Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick, how you give up thirty runs a game, how you lose by 15 to the Devil Rays," but I can neither confirm nor deny.

[4] Josh Beckett is a golden god.

[5] Early in the game, I said that if JD Drew got a hit, I would yell "Yeaaaah, Nancy!" in a really obnoxious Masshole accent. So that went over well, I think.

[6] PAAAAAAAAAAAAAPELBON.

[7] Upon learning the final score of the Patriots game from the closed-circuit television: "That's a little bitch score."


[*] The display actually read, "Warming in the bullpen: Jonathan Papelbon." k8 either misread it or uncovered a greater psychological truth about teams doomed to face Cinco-Ocho in the ninth inning.

13 Comments:

At 8:07 PM, Blogger Texas Gal said...

I have to say, from a legal standpoint, if they have to put "WARNING: HOT COFFEE" on the side of McDonald's coffee cups, it really seems that they kind of have to announce the danger that is Papelbon.

(BTW most awesome misread ever)

 
At 10:47 PM, Blogger kelly said...

perhaps opposing teams should look into taking out insurance policies against him?

 
At 1:05 AM, Blogger Texas Gal said...

I'm assuming you're referring to a policy insuring against "Ass-Kicking Of The Century", right? Yeah.

And while they're at it, they might want to take one out for Beckett and Okajima as well. Dice-K and Wake, just to be safe.

 
At 5:04 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

TO all of you that think Jonny is a better closer than Mariano Rivera...Your on crack. JP will never be as good as mo and to think that he deserves to close the all star game in the greatest stage in athletic history is ludacris. Mariano has no blown saves in the 2008 season. And to say he deserves it because he won a world series last year is a load of crap. Check your head boston. It may be red sox nation but that falls in yankee universe. GO YANKS

 
At 2:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Papelbon, you suck. Try being modest like the greatest closer in the history of the game, Mariano Rivera. You cocksucker. I HATE BOSTON.

 
At 10:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Buck up you GIRL and throw some pitches. You make me sick with your lack of effort. A man could do it!!

 
At 4:03 PM, Blogger Vincenzo said...

I am a huge Red Sox fan and I have to say Papelbon you let all of us down, you want the big contract and respect but unless you get it done in October you don't deserve shit. Go to the Yankees or some other team your prime is up. You just blew a fucking ALDS game to the Angels to end the season you fucking suck grow a pair of balls you cocksucker!

 
At 7:32 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

chanel handbags, burberry outlet online, christian louboutin outlet, nike air max, oakley vault, tiffany and co jewelry, michael kors outlet online, michael kors handbags, burberry outlet online, ray ban sunglasses, michael kors outlet store, prada handbags, oakley sunglasses, kate spade outlet, christian louboutin shoes, michael kors outlet, longchamp handbags, christian louboutin, coach outlet store online, true religion outlet, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp outlet online, nike free, true religion, polo ralph lauren outlet, gucci handbags, louis vuitton handbags, coach outlet, louis vuitton outlet, prada outlet, nike air max, jordan shoes, nike outlet, polo ralph lauren, louis vuitton, longchamp outlet, red bottom shoes, tory burch outlet online, kate spade outlet online, michael kors outlet online, coach purses, ray ban outlet, michael kors outlet online, coach outlet, tiffany jewelry, cheap oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet online

 
At 7:33 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

true religion jeans, burberry pas cher, sac louis vuitton, scarpe hogan, ralph lauren pas cher, lacoste pas cher, true religion outlet, north face, chaussure louboutin, tn pas cher, north face pas cher, new balance pas cher, hollister, abercrombie and fitch, oakley pas cher, longchamp pas cher, ray ban uk, mulberry uk, ray ban pas cher, nike free pas cher, air max pas cher, louis vuitton, nike blazer pas cher, nike air force, air jordan, guess pas cher, vans pas cher, nike roshe run, barbour, nike air max, hollister, nike air max, ralph lauren, hermes pas cher, lululemon, nike roshe, michael kors canada, michael kors uk, longchamp, louis vuitton uk, timberland, converse pas cher, louis vuitton pas cher, sac vanessa bruno, sac michael kors, nike free, air max

 
At 7:34 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

vans outlet, ghd, soccer jerseys, chi flat iron, abercrombie and fitch, nike huarache, insanity workout, ugg, bottega veneta, valentino shoes, wedding dresses, ferragamo shoes, mac cosmetics, jimmy choo shoes, uggs outlet, north face jackets, nike trainers, canada goose outlet, nike roshe, celine handbags, longchamp, asics shoes, reebok shoes, new balance outlet, soccer shoes, herve leger, replica watches, ugg boots clearance, babyliss, canada goose outlet, birkin bag, uggs outlet, ugg soldes, canada goose, nfl jerseys, mont blanc pens, lululemon outlet, ugg boots, giuseppe zanotti, p90x workout, mcm handbags, ugg outlet, instyler ionic styler, canada goose outlet, marc jacobs outlet, beats headphones, uggs on sale, hollister, north face jackets

 
At 7:35 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

pandora jewelry, swarovski jewelry, ray ban, timberland shoes, canada goose, pandora uk, hollister, ugg, uggs canada, nike air max, karen millen, toms outlet, moncler outlet, coach outlet, lancel, moncler, hollister clothing, juicy couture outlet, baseball bats, juicy couture outlet, pandora charms, moncler, louboutin, links of london uk, supra shoes, parajumpers outlet, wedding dress, air max, canada goose, replica watches, moncler outlet, converse shoes, canada goose pas cher, moncler, gucci, ralph lauren, moncler, montre femme, swarovski uk, oakley, louis vuitton canada, moncler, converse, thomas sabo uk, canada goose, hollister canada, iphone 6 case, vans

 
At 3:22 AM, Blogger dong dong said...

201510.13dongdong
ugg boots for women
ray-ban wayfarer
ugg boots
Louis Vuitton Belts On Sale
Coach Factory Outlet Clearance
michael kors bags
Louis Vuitton Outlet Mall Store
michael kors bags
Hollister Tees for Men
louis vuitton handbags
Ralph Lauren Polo Shirts Clearance
ugg boots sale
Christian Louboutin Outlet Sale Cheap Online
Abercrombie and Fitch Store
Michael Kors Designer Handbags Outlet Online
coach factory outlet
cheap ugg boots
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton
michael kors outlet
Ugg Boots Outlet Clearance,Cheap Uggs On Sale Discount For Women
louis vuitton outlet stores
uggs clearance
ugg boots
ray-ban sunglasses,ray ban sunglasses,ray bans,rayban,ray ban wayfarer,raybans,ray ban glasses,ray ban aviators,ray ban clubmaster,ray ban eyeglasses,cheap ray bans,ray bans sunglasses,ray ban aviator,ray bands,fake ray bans,ray ban prescription glasses,ray ban outlet,ray ban canada,ray ban sunglasses sale,ray ban sale
Outlet Michael Kors Sale Online
michale kors outlet
coach outlet store online

 
At 4:34 AM, Blogger Zheng junxai5 said...

zhengjx20160531
coach factory outlet
true religion outlet online
oakley sunglasses
louboutin femme
cheap oakley sunglasses
kobe shoes
louis vuitton bags
air jordan shoes
celine handbags
ralph lauren
louis vuitton handbags
ray ban sunglasses uk
michael kors outlet clearance
kobe 10
adidas stan smith
celine outlet
gucci outlet
christian louboutin outlet
ray ban sunglasses
cheap jerseys
jordan 3s
true religion jeans
christian louboutin shoes
fitflop clearance
ralph lauren
polo ralph lauren
christian louboutin shoes
adidas yeezy
kate spade handbags
burberry outlet
montblanc pen
ray ban sunglasses
lebron james shoes 13
tory burch flats
coach outlet
louis vuitton outlet
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet
longchamp outlet
michael kors canada outlet

 

Post a Comment

<< Home