Wednesday, February 20, 2008

it's so cold today in boston i would actually tune into NESN just to watch grass grow in ft. myers

Last night, Katie and I went to see Will Leitch read from God Save the Fan. ** The reading was at the BU Barnes and Noble, and as I was attempting to claw my way out of the condemned construction site that is the Kenmore Square T stop, I realized that I don't think I've been to Kenmore Square since we saw Josh Beckett lose to the Twins in what turned out to be the most non-portentous final regular season appearance recent memory. (As a Dansko clog wearing lesbian working in social services, I am contractually obligated to reside in Somerville. But don't worry, Katie lives in Allston, and we bring you these mash notes from both sides of the river.) Just knowing that Fenway was across the bridge, and in a couple months the bridge will be littered with seedy guys who want to sell you $10 A-ROD SLAPS BALLS t-shirts brought warmth to my cold, dead heart.

With that in mind, here are 10 small and random things I miss about the Boston Red Sox:

• Taking a late lunch so I can watch a couple innings of a weekday afternoon game at a bar around the corner from my office.
• Mike Timlin jogging out from the bullpen with his warm-up jacket in his teeth.
• Randomly flipping past Sports Center and seeing that Mike Mussina got shelled today in Detroit, engaging in brief moment of sweet schadenfreude, brightening even the darkest of days.
• Something happens that makes you remember that Dustin Pedroia totally is 5'9" … in three-inch heels (see: when he has to make a running jump in order to effectively chest-bump.)
• Playing the
Josh Beckett Press Conference Drinking Game.
• Ridiculous batting stances! Coco Crisp's tendency to jut his chin out over his shoulder and make a face like a street urchin who wants you to put up your dukes is a favorite, but should Coco find himself somewhere other than our starting line-up this season, I'll settle for the way that Kevin Youkilis holds the bat more like someone looking to defend his family against a burglar than someone looking to hit a line drive.
• The continuing unintentional hilarity that is generated by the Manny Ramirez dreadlock experiment.
• Trying to get from Point A to Point B while a game is in progress and knowing that I can monitor the score by peeking in the window of every bar, take-out joint and laundry mat in the city.
• And, of course, best beloved blogsake's ritual fist-bump with the bullpen cop.

Just 34 days until the regular season starts: what has you jonesing?

** My review in a nutshell of Deadspin: The Book, if you care: Leitch goes to great lengths to point out that the book is 99% original content. Unfortunately, this doesn't preclude it from being 99.9% unoriginal concepts, and the effect is sort of like reading someone write a book report about their blog. And half the essays in the "Owners" chapter have nothing to do with sports team owners. But he made great lengths toward redeeming himself by being very charming and funny in person, having a really healthy attitude about the particular brand of internet celebrity that Deadspin brings him and for at least doing a very enthusiastic impression of someone who doesn't hate Boston as much as the rest of the sports blogosphere.


At 5:16 PM, Blogger ~**Dawn**~ said...

I am in terrible ridiculous need of seeing Mike Lowell be the anti-Jeter. Translation: seeing a beautiful infielder make a near impossible defensive play look like he's taking fielding drills in Spring Training, as opposed to Captain Intangibles, who has to take the most routine play & make it look like a web gem.

At 9:42 PM, Anonymous katie said...

it's funny that you mention that, dawn, because the fielding a routine grounder during a pointless regular season game against the devil rays or something ritual of fist-pump-throw-to-first is so on my list of random things I miss.

oh grapefruit-scented intangibles, how I love to hate you!

At 9:51 PM, Blogger Lyndsay said...

my sentiments exactly - the Youk batting stance gets me every time, and I can't help wanting to yell BATBOY! every time Pedroia waddles up to the plate in his big-boy pants or stands next to a teammate twice his height.

I've got one more for you: that smirky face Beckett makes after a big out that just says "yeah, I know I'm the shit."

At 8:53 AM, Blogger Kristen said...

There was an Onion headline once: "Experts Agree: Jeter Probably Didn't Need to Jump to Throw That Guy Out."

Oh, internets. I <3 you. And also Jeter snark. The offseason is the poorer for the lack of it.

At 2:14 PM, Blogger ~**Dawn**~ said...

I think it's awesome how we can all watch the same game, but appreciate different aspects of it. I find it jaw-droppingly beautiful that Lowell can take a play that most players would miss and make it look fluid & effortless. I loved watching Alex Gonzalez on defense for the very same reason. Somehow that makes it even more spectacular for me. As a total contrdiction to myself, I could also watch Coco throw himself around center field making ridiculous plays.

At 2:34 AM, Anonymous Liza said...

I just want... new baseball news. News that doesn't have to do with Roger Clemens' butt or Curt Schilling's shoulder. News that hasn't been reported and analyzed and disintegrated in every single newspaper and on every single blog.

I also want games promptly at 7:05. It's my best/only motivation to get all obligations finished ASAP.

At 3:41 PM, Anonymous shell said...

The off-season has been so long. Longer because of the Superbowl loss probably... Gah. I'm so spoiled. At least the Celtics look good. I always thought Deadspin was overrated, but I guess its good that Leitch isn't a douchebag in person.

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