Tuesday, April 29, 2008


Since we last spoke, the Red Sox have inexplicably lost five games in a row (including a sweep at the hands of the Devil Rays. The DEVIL RAYS), Mike Mussina has won two consecutive starts and I know this isn't baseball related, but the Celtics have spectacularly lost two playoff games and that was really awful, and it was glorious spring and now it's pouring rain and everyone had the flu for a thousand years and tonight the Sox have to play the Blue Jays and I hate David Eckstein and everything is terrible.

Ahem. Here is a feeble list of positives:

[1] (Hat-tip to Red Sox Monster):
Jonathan Papelbon is more awesome than ever.
[2] My friend Martha located on the internet the bad-ass band of ninjas behind the Papelbon street art campaign. They have a bunch of photos
here, and there are also t-shirts! Did I mention my birthday is coming up? It's actually not at all, but can we pretend it is?
[3] Tonight's game might get rained out, and during the course of that rainout, Julio Lugo might slip in a puddle and fracture his suck bone.
[4] Jorge Posada is on the disabled list.
[5] Mike Lowell is back in the line up.

Okay, let's do this.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

"julio lugo, unassisted triple play?" "pretty much, yeah."

you know when you go to fenway and they talk about the "code of conduct" and there's a video of the players reading the items on the code? at the end of that, they make an announcement that you should call a fenway hotline if "anyone hinders your enjoyment of the game" and they give the number.

well, I haven't tried it yet, but the next time I'm there, I'm going to call that hotline and tell them that julio lugo is hindering my enjoyment of the game and request that he be removed from the ballpark. because, no. unacceptable.

tonight's game, I believe, was the first annual all-backup player game, I think. for the price of admission we got kevin cash, jed lowrie, AND sean casey. thankfully, we didn't really pay that much because we had standing room tickets.

we did get to witness the almost-triumphant return of craig hansen. oh, craig. we believe in you! now you guys say it too-- if we all believe in curtis hansen and we all clap really loudly, we just might be able to resurrect him. come on, clap louder. keep clapping. just keep clapping, okay-- it might take a while.

Monday, April 21, 2008

never say die

Oh, hi, sorry, we fell off the map for a minute there, didn't we? Since we last spoke: Katie attended that interminably endless Sunday night Yankees game and I haven't actually seen her since, she might have froze to death. Hopefully she will report in on all the new ways that she heckled Jorge Posada. I went to New York for a few days, but not at the same time as the team unfortunately, so I was unable to collect the free hit from Mike Mussina that all Boston metro area residents are eligible to redeem with the purchase of any flatbread pizza. Then I briefly went blind in one eye (so I was able to miss some of the uglier hacks during the lowest point of Papi's slump) and somewhere in there, the Red Sox rolled into Cleveland and gave the Indians two solid days of PTSD flashbacks.

So things continue to chug along, and it seems as though the team has won more come from behind games in the first twenty than they did over the course of 162 last season. And nothing makes me want to make out with a hunchback (I heart you, Sean Casey, but you run like Frankenstein's monster) like a team that keeps stacking up come from behind wins. A few more early big innings would be nice, but everything in good time.

As a random aside: the camera spotted Dustin Pedroia wearing a Rajon Rondo jersey shirt during the Celtics playoff game last night. Do you think the scrappy young guys on all the Boston teams have fellowship meetings? With secret handshakes? I sure hope so.)

And now it's time for the brunch game and the triumphant return of Kason "The Typo" Gabbard. As one of The Typo's few big fans (I was forced to defend his typo-like ways even within the authorship of my own blog), you'll have to excuse me if I spend the duration of this game self-cutting. But I think brings us up to date, yes?

In conclusion, the Papelblog would like you to pour a little on the ground for Jackie MacMullan. Amen.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

items, bling, etcetera

RE: The ring ceremony, here is Jonathan Papelbon, looking remarkably reserved and subdued on the solemn occasion of collecting his World Championship ring:

The great thing is that I'm being completely unsarcastic. He really does look remarkably reserved and subdued … for Papelbon. He's got pants on and everything.

(Having snuck to a bar across the street from my office to watch the ring ceremony, I was also more subdued than I expected. The 2007 season had the most double plus awesome outcome you could ask for, which made a small part of me sad that it was finally time to close the book. But, on the bright side, apparently the 2008 version of Daisuke Matsuzaka throws strikes on a much more consistent basis and the 2008 version of JD Drew is getting on base at a .400 clip.)

RE: Best beloved blogsake's star turn in the new Dunkin' Donuts video (it was on, like, five times during the Celtics game last night, but I haven't been able to find video on the internet – if anyone has a Youtube clip or something, let me know), I have several observations:

1. Lay off the bronzer, kid.
2. Do you think there was originally a version where he had speaking lines and then they had to edit them out because he kept laughing in the middle of his delivery or demanding that they be translated into Spanish?
3. Do you think the director offered to use a stand-in ass for all the parts where you only see him from the waist down and Papelbon totally refused?
4. How many times do you think you can watch this commercial before you start to get sick of it? Because I'm betting 2,384,590, but I'm sure NESN will test me.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

+ / -

Pluses and minuses on the botched abortion that was the Toronto series:
+ Road trip from hell is now over.
- Toronto Blue Jays still exist.
- David Eckstein has not yet died of dwarfism.
+ Upcoming opponent Tigers also appear to suck balls. (Please note I may be tempting fate here, at the time of this posting, final game of Tigers/White Sox series has not yet started.)
- Julio Lugo.
- Julio Lugo.
- Julio Lugo (one minus for each of his three fielding errors).
- Sloppy defense in general.
- All members of bullpen minus Oki and Best Beloved Blogsake.
- Not totally terrible starting pitching seeming much more mediocre in retrospect due to aforementioned bullpen, sloppy defense, Julio Lugo.
+ Kyle Snyder DFA'd, bullpen now free of pirates who like they were really into Slayer one summer.
- On-going trend of out-hitting teams while losing in the runs column.
- JD Drew tricking us all into thinking he doesn't suck.
+ + + + + + + Next game is preceded by ring ceremony because, oh yeah, you might not know it to look at them, but this team is 95% of the defending World Series champions. Perhaps the team's collective memory will be jogged as well.

Friday, April 04, 2008

in times like these, i turn to kyle farnsworth for comfort. fortunately, he usually delivers.

Ugh. What a terrible game. Terrible bullpen effort, terrible fielding, (mostly) terrible offense. The most terrible part, though, was the realization that the 437 times the Sox play the Jays this year are going to be nine innings of David Eckstein ball-washing. I seriously think I'm going to develop an allergic reaction to hearing David Eckstein's name. And, even worse, the Dustin Pedroia/David Eckstein contrast and compare! As they say in catmacroese: do not want.

Furthermore, I see what you did there, JD Drew. Put together a couple consecutive games and we'll talk. As it stands, I'm committed to not calling you "Nancy" 83% of the time.

Thursday, April 03, 2008


So I attended the last two games of the transcontinental series against Oakland, and I feel like I should have more to say, but I've pretty much got two words and they are "hell" and "yes." Daisuke and Jon the baby crab Lester each pitched 6 and 2/3rds innings, with the former giving up one run and no (!!) walks and the latter giving up three walks and no (!!!) runs. Yeah, the offense is looking a little rusty, and I'm nervous to see how they perform when playing against a team that wasn't in Japan last week, but if the full-count twins can start putting together like they did over the last couple days, well, hot damn.

But let us briefly discuss the psyche of Oakland fans, because I am worried about them. On Opening Night, they were as feisty as I have seen them in three years of going to Sox games at the Coliseum, lots of booing and taunting (some of which inevitably turned to Spygate, which made me want to LIGHT MYSELF ON FIRE, but I digress). The guys sitting behind me were particularly enthused when Tek got robbed of that homer, but then their conversation turned the Coliseum's confusing dimensions, and the rape the stadium has suffered at the hands of Al Davis, and how the As are going to pack up soon and head to Fremont and that's the thing about being a Bay Area sports fan these days, it seems: in the end, you are your own worst fate.

I was originally only planning on going to the first game, but I found out a friend from college was in town and we decided to try and get tickets for the afternoon game as well. If you've got $40 to spare and you're trying to get tickets to an As game three days in advance, you'll have to be content with watching the game from here:

There were a couple guys sitting behind me who were animated early and flying fast and furious with the Manny-hate. But then their bullpen of re-animated Red Sox cast-offs started to crumble around them, when Jon Lester left the game with two outs in the seventh, one of the guys groused that 70% of the stadium was giving him a standing ovation. After Pedroia hit the fourth single to shallow left in a row, the same guy started loudly clapping. His friend said, "What are you doing, why are you cheering?" and he said, "Why not? Everybody else is."