Tuesday, September 18, 2007

rooting for the red sox: it's like being in a clinical trial where you don't know you're being constantly taken on and off antidepressants

Sitting on the couch at Katie's neighborhood bar on Sunday night, a beer in one hand, a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon and tomatoes in the other, watching the Patriots score their first touchdown out of one eye and the Red Sox score their first run out of the other, I thought, "Okay, this is it, I can die happy. This is total sporting nirvana."

Unfortunately, for true enlightenment to be reached, the Red Sox would have had to go on to win their game. Even a fairly mundane win would have been acceptable, they didn't need to produce the kind of definitive steal-your-lunch-money victory that the Patriots put up. But, like many people, I was able to be philosophical about the Red Sox hard-luck loss on Sunday night, probably because the pleasure center of my little sports fan lab rat brain had already been repeatedly pushed by Randy Moss.

Then the Red Sox lost the hangover game to the Blue Jays and the Yankees remembered that they know how to beat the Orioles, and I just -- I've hit the point in the season where I just want to know HOW IT'S GOING TO END. If I could, I would turn a fast-forward button on reality right now, and I don't care if Clay Buchholz throws three more no-hitters, if Big Papi hits a homerun so hard in the sixth inning that it circles the earth in time to produce a walk-off win in the ninth, if Papelbon gets bored with striking out batters and openly starts moose-hunting on the mound, if Manny ever starts playing again, if they call off the AL Rookie of the Year race and just give it to Dustin Pedroia in the top half of the third inning of an afternoon game against the Devil Rays, I would give up being able to see it all and go back and read the highlights on boston.com if I could just fast-forward to Wednesday, October 3 and find out which four American League teams are playing each other and in what match-ups. And maybe that makes me a bad fan of the game, but the GAME IS BAD TOUCHING ME RIGHT NOW.

10 Comments:

At 9:15 AM, Blogger Luna said...

I feel exactly, but exactly, the same way. I'm just overcommitted. It's too much emotion. I feel too personally insulted every time an opposing batter hits anything out of the infield. I want to throw my arms around Jason Varitek's neck and tell him he'll be our captain even if he's batting .174. I want to know and be at peace with it, whatever's going to happen.

 
At 10:44 AM, Blogger Rod Begbie said...

It's wicked hard work being a Sox fan at the moment -- You have to root for the Sox, whoever's playing the Yankees, *and* the Tigers to take the wild-card slot. That's a whole lot of rooting!

 
At 10:47 AM, Blogger kelly said...

Rod, you're totally right. I may need to make a spreadsheet!

 
At 11:46 AM, Blogger Amy said...

My nerves, they are wracked.
And did I imagine it or did Remy say Buchholz might be pitching tomorrow?

 
At 12:32 PM, Blogger jennifer said...

Oh, man, the Yankees fan at the desk next to me at work keeps asking everyone, "so, you worried yet?" and I just say, "no, no, of course not" because I can't give him that sort of power over me, you know, I just can't. Of course, I also root for the Mets. Who have a bullpen full of lead-blowing cyborgs. So, yeah, if someone with a time machine could spoil me for the post-season, that'd be awesome.

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger k said...

Dude, for SERIOUS. Fucking sports - where's my goddamn spoiler board? Just let it be OVER. Let me wallow in the worst or marvel that we pulled that shit off. I CANNA TAKE THE NEXT TWO WEEKS.

I expect a full batshit breakdown on the 22nd wherever the Tigers are - I think it's just a good idea to try to quit smoking and fast for Yom Kippur during a n end of the season race and fantasy baseball playoffs. It's practically recommended.

 
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